#CoughingWhileAsian

I've been trying really hard to stay silent about this, but I can't anymore after seeing a spike in anti-Asian sentiment both locally and worldwide, including an stabbing.

It was three weeks ago today, the day before the Bay Area Shelter-In-Place Order, that I first experienced the first of three incidents since this pandemic.

1. I sneezed into my shirt (allergies) while waiting in line for coffee. A man farther back in the line gets in my face, berates me for sneezing, tells me he doesn't want my "disgusting corona disease" and proceeds to tell me that I'm a "dark Chinese Kung Fu wannabe." Others in line defended me, thankfully.
2. Costco shopper (male) stares me down while I'm loading cleaning supplies into my cart, berates me for "not helping" and that I should be restocking more water, toilet paper and eggs since it was my people that was responsible for this pandemic.
3. Sprouts shopper (female) gets in my face and condescendingly says to me, "Um, don't you think you should be wearing a mask?" while I'm just getting some rice from the bulk section. I didn't see her say the same thing to the mask-less non-Asians nearby also grabbing what they could in the bulk section.

If you know me well, I defended myself just fine. But I hate to think about all the people who are non-confrontational or don't have people to speak up for them.

This whole ordeal has been surfacing wounds and trauma from when I first immigrated into the US (note: I've been a Citizen for 20 years). I haven't felt this unsafe to go out to get groceries or get coffee, ever!

• Should I delay a cough or sneeze, find a corner where no one can visibly see me, and cough there?
• What if my allergies get the best of me and I need to clear my throat?
• Should I wear a mask so people don't get in my face? Should I not wear the mask so people won't stare at me?

"Those who say the term isn't racist are communicating to us that it's not their intent. Those who say the term is racist are communicating to us that it functions as racist because of its impacts."

The disconnect between folks who disagree that calling COVID-19 the "Chinese Coronavirus" is/isn't racist

I know we've named things like the "Spanish Flu" and "West Nile Virus" before, and often times that gets used as a benchmark to naming this disease. Back then, we didn't realize how naming a disease after geographical location, ethnicity, race and/or culture could be harmful and demeaning. As we study history, we are only discovering now how this can impact people for generations, even if it seems less harmful now than it was back then.

Consequently, in 2015, The World Health Organization (WHO) "identified best practices for the naming of new human diseases, with the aim to minimize unnecessary negative impact of disease names on trade, travel, tourism or animal welfare, and avoid causing offence to any cultural, social, national, regional, professional or ethnic groups."

Here's the disconnect:

Those who say the term isn't racist are communicating to us that it's not their intent. Those who say the term is racist are communicating to us that it functions as racist because of its impacts. This is a classic case of fundamental attribution error.

We can often overreact or get emotionally charged, myself included, when someone labels our actions or behaviors "racist." Perhaps, we might equate the term racist with being "immoral," and we want to distance ourselves from that, which I understand, but perhaps there's more to uncover than just this binary thinking -- I'm either bad/immoral/racist or good/moral/not-racist. 

It might be important to distinguish between what we perceive to be intentionally racist vs. functionally racist. Some of the issue is due to the global response to the Chinese government's part in the pandemic, and we conflate the intention to hold them accountable with the impact it has on Asians. We might not realize that the term's impacts are racist because its byproducts disproportionately target those who are Chinese and/or Asian. (Even with globalization, there are still those who can't distinguish the difference between Chinese and other Asian phenotypes, which has made the discussion of race during the whole pandemic more complicated -- I mean, I was mistaken for being Chinese even if I'm Filipino.) Maybe we can start understanding that some of our actions or behaviors can have racist impacts, instead of weaponizing the word to gaslight each other so we don't use it as an all-or-nothing assessment of being bad or good. 

A side note: I really do understand the backlash against China. I am even infuriated with their attempts to change the narrative as well. As a statistician and former journalist, I question the numbers they report and how they report it. But just like how our own leaders don't fully represent us, the Chinese government isn't representative of all Asians.

"When we divert the conversation to justifying our intentions, we lose out on the chance to understand the impact it had on the people we've unknowingly hurt."

It is important to note, there are those who are ethnically Chinese but have completely separated themselves from the Chinese government and completely disagree with how they've handled things, but unfortunately they are still associated with the government's activities because of the terms "Chinese virus" or "Wuhan virus." The fact that the term "Kung Flu" came about is an example of one of the harmful ways this has evolved. People are hurting and fearful because of this, and it might be less harmful to not explain our (or others') intentions and focus on the impact it has on others. When we divert the conversation to justifying our intentions, we lose out on the chance to understand the impact it had on the people we've unknowingly hurt. We don't want to add additional problems to this pandemic.

Just to be clear: I am not innocent of racist ideas or behaviors, despite what I personally believe to be good intentions. I still personally struggle to challenge my own ideas and thoughts, and I still find myself rationalizing or justifying what I said or did, instead of listening to the hurt I caused someone, because I'm more focused on proving I'm a "good person." These are things I'm unlearning through my own personal growth.

While I understand that political correctness at times can also be harmful when weaponized or used as a gaslighting technique, we may need to reflect on whether or not we ourselves need to develop deeper understanding on the unintended impacts we have on people. This is an area where we can all grow.

In the meantime, let's please be kind to our Asian brothers and sisters and redirect our efforts to more productive things. Several of us need this kindness now more than you might know or understand. I know I would appreciate it, just so I feel like I can buy groceries without backlash.

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Updates

4/1/2020: My brother just told me about an incident that occurred a few weeks ago at Safeway. He was with his Vietnamese friend. A guy (with wife and kids) goes out of his way to walk up next to them and sarcastically and audibly mimics coughing into his elbow before walking away.

4/2/2020: Included more links and references. Fixed typos and grammatical errors.